Continuing on last post....

James was right, I'll elaborate. This rant is to be blamed on him.


To say that I'm not religious or spiritual would be a lie, but things like that bring me to my realizations of why I do not believe in one all-powerful "God". Similar to what Russell was saying on the teapot, how can we be lead to believe that this creature exists when our only proclaimed proof is something written by man? If we believed all that was simply put into text and passed on for hundreds of years, I could tell you that Zaboomafoo is actually an arctic seamonkey that has secret mind reading powers and if you told your kids, and their kids, and their kids, and we started a group of Zaboomafooians, that it would be true. This is impossible simply because the words of a person have no proof or determination of truth.

My other main reasoning on not believing in "God" is of the complete double standards of which you must live by in order to devote your life to him. A little over a month ago I went to Crossroads church in Corona. I will admit to after listening to the pastor, I was moved and an interest and infatuation with Christian belief triggered in my mind. I felt as if they were speaking from the heart, and that the words were pure and untainted. Afterwards they had basically a venting session called "Beauty" of which groups of young women talked about issues they have in their lives, offer prayers to each other, and basically try and help everyone in the group in their personal situations. I told them that I had been raised as an Atheist, but had been Agnostic and questioning faith for nearly a year. They were all amazed that I had come and were very welcoming. Basically, I felt very loved and happy.

Afterwards, the "Beauty" leader named Cassie asked me what was holding me back from believing and giving my heart to "God". I was completely honest with her and told her that I openly love people of both genders, and that there was no way I could ever think of my sexuality as being a sin and having to repent it. She simply stumbled over a response then sent me to talk to another leader named Noah. He sat me and my friend down, looked me in the eyes and told me that in order to give my heart to "God", I must repent for my sin. Once again, I stated I could not view this as a sin as I have been this way since I was much, much younger.

He turned to a page in his bible of which proclaimed homosexuality on the same level as evil as premarital sex, drug abuse, alcoholism, murder, rape, etc. I was at this point irritated to the point of tears and said, "Do you honestly expect me to deny who I am for 'God'?" His reply was exactly, "Deny thyself for thy father." This drew me to the point of wanting to leave as I told him I would not change who I am for a faith. He then put his hand on my shoulder and, excuse my french, fucking prayed over me. He prayed basically that I would come to my senses and open my heart to "God". Any "God" that is supposed to be all-caring and all-loving would accept anyone of any sexuality, race, gender, and life choice. I cannot and will not deny myself for such a hateful and discriminating idea of faith.

I at one point was willing to consider Christianity or Catholicism, but those are my basic reasoning as to why I cannot. However, I am still very spiritual in my beliefs. About two months ago my aunt Lana drove me to the Pala Indian Reservation in Temecula. When I was there, the essence and simplicity of the life surrounding me was beyond entrancing. I felt as if the second I set foot on to the territory that there was something there watching over and protecting me and all of us there. It'd be impractical to say that I thought some higher being was taking care of them, however I felt as if something within the nature surrounding us was a higher being in it of itself.

Later in the evening everyone on the reservation sat around a campfire and they began singing in their tribal languages as the Bears came out. The "Bears" are the older men of the tribe dressed completely in bearskins and other furs. They are believed to have healing powers and have been said to have helped a multiple people who were once terminally ill. If you hold on to their skins and furs as they dance and sing around the fire, it is believed to heal you of whatever pain you could possibly be feeling at the time. As you walk in to dance with them, you are "smudged", which, based on tribal beliefs, is basically removing you of all your evils. I'm not sure if I believe that the suggested healing powers exist, but I must admit to feeling nearly euphoric after being smudged and dancing with the Bears.

Another belief I have in regards to spirituality is, in simplicity, reincarnation. I believe that if a small animal, such as a mouse, lives and fulfills a life with a good soul, it will be reincarnated to a larger animal, and so on and so forth. I think eventually this leads to us, humans. What is after us? I'm not sure. I believe that the most beautiful of souls live on into simple nature or elements.

I enjoy not knowing one hundred percent of what I believe in. I believe that there is a reason for every happening, and that the reason isn't always for the better. I believe that tragedy strikes to ensure strength later in life, and happiness must be earned. I think if all we ever felt was happiness, there would be no point in the emotion as it would be as equal as feelings of indifference. I believe that everyone is born the a pure and good soul, and no matter what situations we are placed in it is our choice as whether or not to maintain the goodness. I believe that no two people are meant to be together, as I believe it is our choice whether or not to open our hearts to whoever we may chose. I believe life is simpler than any of us make it out to be.

And, most of all, I believe I think far too much.

Hmmmm.

This quote really left me thinking. I'm kind of in love with this philosopher.

"If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time."- Bertrand Russell